I won't cry

2011-07-12T22:20:00.001+08:00

Okay, im leaving here for good.
Not deleting this blog though.
Now shifted to reddedroses.tumblr.com
Not sure why, I just feel like moving

2011-07-11T23:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, Im just plain selfish. I don't like compromising. I don't like to give in. I don't want to waste my time on certain matters.

To me, it's troublesome. I don't know what is wrong. I just feel annoyed right now.

I feel angry

Your mood

2011-07-11T00:07:00.002+08:00

Everything gets affected.
Your mood became mine.

cookies

2011-07-09T23:06:00.001+08:00

I HEART YOU TOO
Thank you for the cookies you have baked. hahaha Nice attempt. I'll eat them all :)

play hard

2011-07-09T12:07:00.002+08:00

At least for today, I wanna enjoy my saturday, even though im still thinking of work right now.
something is amiss somehow.
never mind. There's time when I work so hard, this time is to play real hard.

stress and disappointment

2011-07-07T23:08:00.002+08:00

I am both mentally and physcially drained right now. extremely drain in fact.

Yesterday, I slept for 6 hours unknowingly when I was suppose to wake up at 2:30am and not 6:30am>
On wednesday, I slept for 3 hours and same goes to tuesday.

Well, I felt that my battery was long lasting. But I think I almost died today. Using the left over right now, to do rendering and that close up the entire submission. I was on the verge to give up. I was struggling inside. And I simply know this isnt what I want. I hate last minute work and this is really last last last minute. And I swear, this is the first time I felt to stressed up and disappointed in myself. What kind of rubbish work am I producing. Even if the lecturers are going to scold me, Im fine, because I know, Im seriously too far away from being good. I cannot accept the kind of lousy work Im giving. sigh. There's nothing that I can do to salvage this situation. I just need to produce anything within my capability.

I seriously have learnt my lesson. I know what Im lacking and I will work on them, or else, i wouldnt even make it in this industry. I should stop dwelling on it and start my work then go to bed. I miss my bed so much. You've been such a dear to me. I'll come for you soon. That's the best consolation for now. And not forgetting you who always help me so much in my work and tolerating my fluctuating mood these days. So sorry.

One more hour to our 6th month. :)

Bye for now.

2011-07-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

Im so glad to have you and I mean it.

Press on

2011-06-29T22:43:00.000+08:00

Stiff neck

I sat infront of my laptop the whole day. doing 3dmax and autocad. Sigh. I really can't help it but to sigh all day long. hahaha. Once school term starts, everything starts to get back on track. Things have been moving quite quickly these few days, I gotta be faster and catch with the rest who are way faster than me. I feel so slow this time round.

I need to sleep early today as I have gems class tomorrow. Dread 8am lesson :( Furthermore, there is an assignment tomorrow for gems. wth.

My aim for tomorrow:
1. finalise how my model will look like with Kelly
2. complete 3dmax (hopefully, the finalised one)
3. Autocad as much as I can

I've plan to do my sectional model next week. So the entire week now is chiong chiong chiong autocad and 3dmax. Lifeless. But it's okay, grades are more important at this moment.

Press on everyone! :)

Finally getting started

2011-06-20T09:06:00.000+08:00

Like what the title says, Im finally getting started with my model making. Got that little bit of feel. Been quite busy this weekend because of work at expo home furniture. Might give you an update after everything. I don't have any mood to elaborate as for now. Shall get back to work before that feeling dies off again. haha

Miss you so much.

BOLD

2011-06-17T08:50:00.000+08:00

NO. I CANNOT BE AFRAID.

But, actually Im still very scared.
How to be BOLD?

NVM

2011-06-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

AGAIN.

So what's wrong. Sigh, better not talk about it. Don't even want to think about it.

Spent the whole day with my parents today. First thing in the morning was breakfast and shopping for groceries, the same old routine. Went back home, tidied my room a little, and went out again. This time to Chinatown to collect scissors for cutting of dog fur. Our next destination was Art Friend at Bras Basah. I pestered them to bring me there to get materials for model making. Spent 60++. Went to Bukit timah after that to eat and see doctor. sigh. 6 doctors in 3 months. screw this. I really hope I can be cured this time. No more medications already. I promise to abstain from everything.

Gonna continue with my TOD after my 9pm drama. Then Wednesday will be dedicated for IDS. It's time to do something. I feel so slow. Lost, scared. I want my GPA to go UP UP UP UP. I can't afford any mistakes or anything to go wrong.

Feel so sick in the mind. Every part of me is so sick. sigh. Don't talk to me. ruined.

back ache

2011-06-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

-I am not stress unless I declare it-

The amount of work that I publicly let others know might not have been the cause of my stress. I enjoy it though, for your information. haha

Okay. As usual, backache after a hard day of work. Nothing special. I am giving myself a break from school work today, and I wanna sleeep early so that I can wake up early in the morning and do something else. I have an entry of TOD in my mind for tomorrow's assignment before I go out. Hope that I can really do something tomorrow. Gonna head down to Art friend very soon this week. Im going to start on my concept box again. Im thinking of doing a couple of them to test it out and see what the lecturers say. I really don't know what they want. Still as confused. Maybe I should really get started, make my fingers, my hands move, let the smell of uhu glue flood my room, just play with anything just to generated small little ideas here and there. This works most of the time, because small things just trigger my mind and bring me further, to something HUGGGGEEE. haahaha. I can't wait.

Hmmmm. Tomorrow is Raymond's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BOY (opps, MAN?) Hope you have fun tonight with your secondary school friends. Wait till tomorrow, you'll know what you get. lol

My sore throat is still as bad. I am so sad. Please recover soooooon. I beg :(

Okay, I guess that's all for tonight. Goodnight

recovering

2011-06-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

Can the bloody lecturers just reply my emails.
Isit that hard? I don't understand why
urgh
thinking about IDS project now
Sourcing for inspiration
It's so hard to get nowadays
Wonder what has gone wrong
Still trying to vision what the space's gonna be like
hmmmmm.
I need more inspiring images from the internet!!!!
I need to see it, develop them into my very own.

On a side note, my sore throat has gotten better, slightly better
Hope it will be even better than today. lol
Cross fingers that I won't fall tomorrow.
Every time Quennie ask me if I wanna wear heels, I'll be so afraid. hahaha
And every time I wear them out, people look at me like some freak
I know I cant walk very well in them
and being tall is not wrong, being tall and wearing heel is not a sin or crime
So stop looking at me, giving me pressure. hahaha.
Okay, I must walk with grace tomorrow. Pray hard.

I feel like sleeping now. I shall wake up at 9am to think of ideas for my project :)
Alrighty, good night everyone :)

As good as dead

2011-06-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

Life's been pretty sad for me.
One week has almost been gone with me lying on my bed like a dead corpse.
Told you, I can't do anything.
Feels like my entire head is going to crack up into two.
But I've told myself, starting from tomorrow, I have to be more productive
I'll start reading my magazines, do research on my concept, spatial planning and such, buy materials from art friend, and start my new concept box again, not forgetting about my TOD journals. I don't want last minute work.
That should roughly be it.
I really don't know what the lecturers want us to do for the IDS project
They make me so confused.
I am so angry!

It's something so terrible when you loses your voice. I think I hardly say any word lately. I miss the days when i often scream and shout at home like some mad woman. ): I want my voice back. I hate sore throat. I understand why cancer patients all wanna die. Because sore throat is already killing me, I cant eat or drink or swallow my own saliva. What's this!!!! How do you expect a cancer patient to hang on. This is easier said than done. All I do is sleep sleep sleep and sleep even more. hahaha. Feels good, but bad at the same time. sigh.

If you want, just go with them. Anyway, I've got nothing plan for you. I just feel so tired.

Holidays is coming!

2011-06-01T23:23:00.001+08:00

Some random photos to share.

Okay, it's a whole day stucked at home doing work. I completed my autocad in the morning just before 12 noon and I requested Raymond to help me print. Thanks :) haha. Then I moved on to construction drawing of my site which is AWFULLY CHOCOLATE. The ice cream above looks extremely good right. hahaha. It's really heavenly, but food there is a bit more expensive. I am so going to try something else from there the next time. I know, I know, Quennie must be thinking of her chocolate bars from there which cost 15 bucks per 100g. omg.!!

Okay, I know that's thick skin, but Im still gonna say, my dog's the cutest and the most handsome one on earth. LOL. hahahaha. He likes to take photographs now. How vain. He must have known that I always praises him and now, he's behaving like a peacock. And look at that parrot, I saw it at the market which belongs to someone. I got so tempted to get one too. hahaha. My dad loves parrot, I bet he's gonna get one when he's older. hahaha. Well, maybe, by then, I can get him one good looking one. hahaha :D

yawn yawn. I got so tempted and influenced by Jx for not attending Gems class tomorrow. Yes, now, I think I will most likely not attend. Really dread 8am classes. The crowd is unimaginable. Thanks to the ABE students who made up 3/4 of the gems class, due to their examinations tmr, our first assignment was postponed to after school reopen and that gives me a reassurance and confirmation that I can skip class. hahaha :D I'd rather wake up earlier to do work than to go school. lol

Right now, Im doing Matech, hope to get it done before the holidays, so I can concentrate on IDS whole heartedly. Now I can feel a little different from Year 1. Seems like, we aren't quite guided by the lecturers. Up to this point, I don't know where the lecturers are bringing us to. I wonder if my progress is slow or what. I havent really been brainstorming for much concept or about my spatial elements. How I want my space to be like. Well. hmph. I will start tomorrow. And again, I have to say, I really hate consultations. sucks sucks sucks. Some people chiong to be the first to consult. I don't know why. lol.

I know, I am very ruthless and straightforward and sarcastic. I am not like a whiny, cry baby like you. And I dislike people like you. It really irritates me. I dislike people using tears to "solve" problem. That's what weaklings do, at least in my eyes. I am not going to be compassionate, sympathise for the lost of your any item because it's your only responsibility to take care of it. Blame yourself and not anyone else because, firstly, that place isn't your wardrobe, for you to put your belongings, I suppose you have a house and is rich enough to get one. It's wrong of me to throw it away, but to me, whatever that do not belong to there, it will be gone. I don't care who, what or how.

Okay, that's it for now. Maybe I should continue with matech. Bye :)

We gotta be stronger each day

2011-05-29T14:26:00.002+08:00

Im taking a short break now, coming here to update. Haven't been seeing me here lately right. hahaha. I know! Life is kinda busy nowadays, hence, explaining my disappearance from here, and also, there's nothing interesting things which happen to even talk about.

So, I slept 2 hours only. haha. Surprisingly, Im still full of energy but I've got no appeitite. Yesterday, hmmm, I don't know how to describe my feelings. But anyway, it was spring cleaning day for the clubroom. I swear, this is harder than tidying my entire house. I was f**king angry in fact. Shant bother to explain. But in the end, we still manage to give the club room a new look and I pretty love the new layout :) It was hard work. For me, who came late, 11am to 6pm of efforts. Was dropped dead tired then. Rushed home, showered, dressed up and head over to jp to meet Quennie. She invited us to her mom's birthday Kbox party. hahaha. The room is FREAKING HUGE! hahaha. Cool! Totally love it. Stay till 3 plus and then went home. Started with my concept box immediately. Right now, Im left with 30 percent to completion. Gonna get them done and give myself a deserving rest.

Tomorrow, there's a matech test and Im gonna "revise" hahaha. And then do autocad. I have not done my exercises yet :( One more week of school to holidays. I wonder how this holidays is gonna be like. I hope I can spend more time with my family and Raymond, of course with friends too :) Hmmmm. But there is already a pile lot of work waiting, cause there's a submission after the holidays. =.=

Yesterday, I manage to see the power of liquor. If you dont wish to let others see your vulnerable side then stay away from it. I saw how those kept feelings and emotions outburst. Those real tears that came rolling down your cheeks. Now I know, maybe you aren't lying all the time. I kinda regard you as one of my good friends in poly, maybe just one thing that you need to learn is to let go. Sometimes, you are holding on to something so tight that you can hardly breathe. Sometimes, falling down might not be a bad thing, just fall back on us, your friends. I deem failures as something good depending on circumstances. Just take it as a good lesson and move on. From the day I know you, I think you're such a pessimist. (ultra pessimist). The world wont end if you can't do something or get what you want. Try again. Hang in there friend, you are doing good.

People should bottle themselves up with optimism, but not too much of it. Life will seem so much better. When you believe you can, that's everything.

week 6 is here

2011-05-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

I gotta press on! I am feeling so tired today. We had 20 dogs. I feel like my whole back is gonna break into half. Seriously, I think I need an osim. And I think I hurt my nail once again. Recovered from one when I injured last week. Here's another one. hmmm. I didnt get the chance to do any work today during work and by now, I dont think I can think straight anymore. I can only think of sleep. sigh. What about my tod? After this week, week 6, I think I'll be more free and relax. Can't wait to get over all the presentation and the crs CA1. urgh. What a burden.

Okay, I have just decided to go brush teeth and head to bed. I need to sleep to prepare for school tomorrow.

BB is giving me problems. Now my sounds dont seem to work at all. No ring tone. I am so sad. I hope Quennie's magic hands can do something to it and make it function again. sigh.

Goodnight everyone. I promise to chiong again when tomorrow comes :) haha

Something to make you laugh

2011-05-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA. Did this out of boredom :)

I hope it did have some effects on you.

Everyone should cheer up.

Even though I was a little sadden this afternoon

But its okay cause its over and I know what went wrong.

"WONT DIE ONE LA"

Still got part 3 and 4 of the project. hahahaha.

I finally completed my autocad exercise-temple of heaven.

YES YES YES!

I had a good nap this evening from 4pm to 6.30pm.

SHIOK AH!

Okay, I shall get back to work :)

Hectic

2011-05-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

Heave a sigh of relief. I had a hell shock of my life when my bb blackout while I was typing a message. So, it went out of batt, but the god damn thing is, I remember I still have half a bar left. Why shut down? Yeah, bb battery really sucks. Quennie, you're right. haha.

And for the whole time, my whole head was so itchy. I kept scratching. I don't know what's wrong. I didnt perspire and yes, I wash my hair everyday! Whenever I scratch, there will be white flakes falling off. I dont even know if that's dandruff. I hope is not. I think Im gonna change shampoo and see how things go. I dont want to go bald :(

Okay, had the "rushest" submission ever today. hahahahaha. But in the end, we still completed everything. Even though ours isnt that fascinating as the others, but I still think we are gonna do well if we present ourselves well tomorrow. No worries man. chill guys. Tomorrow will part the end of part 2 of the project. hahhaha. Can't wait! Then I'll start work on TOD

I almost forgot that I have gems tomorrow at 8am. Super dread that. Grrrr. hahah. No choice.

Okay, bid goodbye here and now. Gotta do my work :D

ran out of things to say

2011-05-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

I kept thinking, if I could finish the powerpoint slides on time. Hah. Been feeling all so lazy recently. The worst thing that happened today was, I FORGET MY MAC CHARGER, which I left in Yishun Pet shop. GRRRRR. I was screaming when I realise I didnt bring it home! DANG! So it left 60% of lifespan. I treasure that 60% so much that I continue to layout my slides non-stop.

I have another weird interest. I like making powerpoint slides. Each time, trying different kind of layout and styles. hahahaha.

Currently, Im sorting out the information on shophouses and Peranakan. Hopefully by tomorrow, I can get that done and I'll spent the rest of the time, putting them nicely into the slides which I spent a lot of effort on. I never use those typical slides layout you get in Powerpoint. Ekk. They are so ugly I swear. I like to customise everything and make it as graphically appealing as possible

Tomorrow will be a long day. From 9am to 6pm. I hope clubhouse still has the mac charger which I can borrow so I can be productive in class tomorrow. hahahaha. Kinda look forward to school. Im just so random.

Sometimes, I just ran out of things to say.

Goodbye and goodnight :)

Joo chiat adventure

2011-05-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

Oh hi. Its been a long time since I reappeared. hahaha. Didnt really got the time and mood to update about anything these days. Been practically working on the research group work. I think it's a fun project, but one which arouseD quite a bit of unhappiness due to some lazy and the not so conscientious team members. Blood starts to boil when I talk about these people. Nevermind, I believe hard work will be paid off and be recognised. The lecturer will surely know who are the good students and what kind of grades to award. (:

I am so tired right now, can't think straight nor open my eyes wide enough. throbbing head. I just wanna sleep. I apologise for not spending enough time with you this week eh. But please understand that sometimes things just crop up like that.

I have visited Joo Chiat for the third time. Did some fun stuff today. haha. Not gonna be revealed. Its our shared secret among the three of us (quennie and aaron). Met some really weird people and we started to scare the hell out of ourselves. Hmmm. But anw, we are going down AGAIN tmr, I swear, it's gonna be the last time. I am so sick and tired of travelling and walking such great distances. My legs are so jelly like now. Can you imagine how much we have walked in these few days?

We were there to experience the nightlife and to see prostitutes. hahahaha. This is interestings. Some pervert men keep staring at Quennie and I thinking that we are those whores. C'mon, what makes you think so. Sicko people. I wonder why they are so deprived. We started to stare back as well. hahaha. DISGUSTED.

Currently, that's all for now. Goodnight

hardcore

2011-05-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

Today was a little hardcore. By the time I got home, it's close to 10pm. Showered and mounted my photos onto the gray card. Sitting right here infront of my laptop, my head feels heavy. I feel so lazy and I don't feel like doing any work right now.

Went over to JE branch to help out first, and then I followed my aunt down to Yishun. woah woah. For all the time, I feel like my stomach has a hole. Like air can just flow through. Seems like it's some gastric problem. I really don't know what. After every meal, I'll feel okay. But after a couple of hours, the feeling comes again. The cough is slightly, just slightly better. hmmm. Plus, the weather is really killing all of us. It's not hot, it's just damn bloody hot. Even the sun rays feel different, it's extra scorching and the moment you step out in the sun, you can feel like your skin is burning. That kind of sensation is just pure irritating.

There are two submissions for tomorrow and Im all done with it :) Pretty satisfied with the Biennale one, but not so for the photos. Hmmm. Im gonna learn the trick of editing photos. Maybe like what Quennie says, there's no tactic. Well, just blame on my laziness then. hahaha. (at this moment, Quennie came online. What a coincidence. LOL) Okay, I think Im gonna retire soon. Really tired. Goodnight everyone :)

Is this week 4 already?

Work is the best gift

2011-05-07T13:37:00.001+08:00

Get pissed or what. I dont care.
If you are angry,
let me tell you I am angry too.

I dont want to give it a damn to anymore thing.
Accept or leave.
If you haven't seen the real me, let me tell you, that's me.
It's not too late to know it now.

What a weekend.
Life still goes on.
I want to do my work
I want to go to the concert
I want to to even more work

Good bye.

You're not deserving of this

2011-05-07T12:07:00.000+08:00

This sickness of mine is killing me. I feel so out of breath in the day. I wonder if it's the side effects of the medication. I stone most of the time. I look lost. I even crossed the road without thinking, without looking, thinking that it's zebra crossing. Luckily, the driver drove quite cautiously. I was caught in the middle of the road and I walked back a few steps to let the car pass. (that was yesterday during site visit). What is wrong with me?. Thank goodness, I can still do some work. If not, I'll be cursing and swearing at myself for not being productive.

I think the photos I took yesterday didnt manage to tell any story. sigh. What story. The street is dead. I was equally dead too. I was panting as I walked. Coughing like mad. This is the longest cough ever. For a month! This is no joke!

As I was doing my work, I couldnt stop thinking about one thing. It is really disturbing. I haven't felt this way for so long. The thought of the whole situation, just irks me entirely, from head to toe, internally too. fuck! How I wish things can change. Because I dun think I can change my stand in such a short period of time. Wonder if that's just prejudice. I just can't get over it. Maybe give me a reason why.

Okay, gonna get my work done this afternoon, self portrait, some personal notes writing, develop those 12 useless photos, matech ice 2, tod ws, mop the floor as instructed by dad. Yes, get them all done before I meet Suying at JE for the Concert at ACJC. We're there to support jasmine! Way to go! :D And tomorrow, Im gonna work and earn money. Besides saving money and make my atm full, I have no other wishes at the moment. I suddenly have no urge of getting the bb housing, or any other things like clothings, etc. I just want to make money grow! My biggest wish now. hahaha. Money face! LOL.

I shall be back to work. I might be back to rant, because I just can't accept that truth. hahahaha. Back to listening to talented singers on youtube. lol. What a boring saturday right. I know. );

Adding on

2011-05-05T00:44:00.000+08:00

Like I always said, life is pretty mundane. Yes even up till this point. Been working vigorously, (actually not so vigorously, I slack off at some point of time), on my Biennale assignment. I think Im left with 30% more. If I get the chance tomorrow, I'll whipped up some long essays during class. hehehe. However, that's provided if I have got enough brain juices and inspiration to write a good one. I don't want crap!

Yes, so homework on my list now is this biennale assignment, redraw matech plan and do space planning, autocad exercises to be completed and printed out for documentations/filing, research for TOD, complete TOD ws given out last Friday, do some personal notes writing. WOW. looks like there's quite a bit of things to do eh. Hmmm. T2 project brief will be launched soon in about, let say, another 10 hours time. hahaha. Wonder what it would be like.

All of a sudden, I didnt want to do work. I didnt want to do anything which requires my brain to think. hahaha. I feel so lazy now. Before I go to bed, Im given a mission to wake Mr raymond up. haha. He needs to do his work. sigh. Poor thing. Power nap first, then work. However, this power nap thing might not work too well at times. I gotta turn in soon cause I have gems at 8am tomorrow. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. Hope to have fun in school. haha :D

week 2 gone

2011-04-30T12:10:00.001+08:00

Yup. That kinda sum up the week I had. Pretty slack and carefree which I still couldnt get use to. I seriously think, it's time we should feed ourselves with knowledge instead of just wasting those precious time away. Its the second week of school yet I still feel like it's a holiday. If you think about it, it's really not a good sign to be slacken by so much. I hate being unproductive! We should get down to something.

I am so pissed off down due to my scanner. It's freaking retarded I swear. urgh. Can you just function properly!!!!!! Gonna complete my idc sketches and then proceed on to Biennale assignment. :D Pictures above are taken when we were at National museum and Singapore Art Museum. The last few pictures are the favorite art work I've seen on that day. So cool!

Yesterday, we had a run outside school. Suprisingly, I was feeling "okay" when I ran. I thought I would vomit or something, perhaps, it was the good weather. There was no sun and it's very windy. hahaha. Had captains ball training afterwards. Dinner, showered and home sweet home.

In the late afternoon, Im meeting Jasmine at Boon lay to travel all the way to Pasir ris for Shermaine's birthday party. woah. I hope it's gonna be fun and catch up with my fellow secondary school friends :D

Singapore Biennale

2011-04-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

To sum up the whole day, it's quite tiring, hot, and a little of fun elements here and there. We had our ICE today for matech. We built brick wall. hehehe. It was quite fun. I swear, being bangala, it's not that easy. We should really respect them. Their job is seriously TOUGH, and requires a lot of skills. Hmm. So, in the afternoon, we went to Kallang, where our old airport used to be. Some art work are quite fascinating, others, I couldnt really understand, but still, they are a form of art. hahaha

Let the pictures do the talking then :D

AWESOME SHIT RIGHT! hahaha. That's all for today. Wait till thursday, there should be more great work coming up :D Shall go watch tv and do some work later :D

BYE !

Engine

2011-04-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

I did this in 14 hours, minus the time that i eat, shower and facebook abit. I swear, this is back breaking. Both mentally and physically draining. I didnt had much brain block yesterday, ideas got generated quite fast too and that was good. Just that the process of making these hexagons were super slow. Okay, al least I completed everything by 12am and head to bed after wards.

Woke up 6am again, had gems at 8am. godness. Thank god, I think I've chosen the right gems. The lecturer is pretty humorous, just that, there are a lot of discussions in this gems. Hmmm. It's a long break this weekend, due to Good Friday, shall enjoy myself a little before hell really begins next week. Yes. All prepared. I suppose my engine has all started up after this mini submission.

Tomorrow, I foresee that it will be a fruitful good friday. Gonna meet Jasmine at 11am, to have lunch, look for present and chill at starbucks, and in the evening, Aaron's gonna treat us dinner at bugis. naise. Sorry Raymond, I will give up my sunday work slot for you okay? Don't sad/angry. *HAHA*

Okay, right now, Im going to do my title blocks for matech before going to bed. Needs to get a little more productive tonight.

Till then :D

New Art Friend, our friend

2011-04-19T21:16:00.000+08:00

Look look, capsicum.

We've been doing drawings of it for the whole day yesterday. hahaha.

This vegetable, reminds me of pizza some how. And I want to eat!

It smells good too.

We were told to cut them up, and I pretty love the sections of capsicum.

Interesting:D

So anyway, today, we were given our project brief with regards to something we did yesterday with this capsicum. And for the first time today, we visited the new Art Friend at Buona Vista.

heheehe. I like that new place. And it's so convenient now. Awesome.

There's no school tomorrow. YAY.

Im gonna complete some of my work tonight and I guess I will sleep late. Hmmm.

Gotta get my engine started, it has gotten a little rusty over the long holidays.

Its time to get back that momentum.

Looking forward to friday now. hahaha. Gonna meet up with Jasmine. And we shall get productive on that good friday!

Looking forward

2011-04-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

Looks like everyone is excited for school. Yes, Im pretty sure, I am. haha. I just threw away my two old shoes. They have been with me for the past 3 months. Well, all I have to say is, thanks for serving me and my feet. :D I can't bear to throw them away even though I know they're dirty and smelly. hahaha. My feet always perspire. And yes, high tendencies for HK FEET! ew. Ikr.

Today I hit 10blocks at Sembawang, my calf muscles is aching like hell, adding on from yesterday's flyer distribution at 7 other blocks, this is total madness. And guess what, I ran into Michelle Yong. hahaha. What a small world. Now I know where she lives. lol. Hmmm.

Sadly, I am still coughing terribly even when my medicine is half gone. I am so sad, cause I cant eat good or spicy food. damn.

Like I always said, Im looking forward, yet Im a little scared. why is that so? I am tired now. Need to hit the sack. Goodnight and hope things will be fine tomorrow :D

2011-04-13T22:34:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, people around me make me doubt. They make me doubt if friends were even needed. They make me doubt if there were even true friends. They make me re-define what's friends. What's the meaning of being friends? Well, sometimes I think, I don't need any. Sometimes, being a loner isn't a bad thing. Sometimes, I'll get so sick of everyone around me and that I wished I just had a small space for myself. I just wanna stay there and do things on my own.

I think it's been proven that, if you're gonna make friends, find them when you are still young, in your primary schools or maybe secondary school. At that point of them, these friends whom you have made, might be true to you, we were then young and innocent, and harbour no other intentions. Things changes rapidly as you grow up. Everything changes for the worse. Simply put, I don't trust anyone. I realise, I wouldn't be bothered to make new friends. I dont know why, but making new friends has become a chore. Something Im quite reluctant to do. Sometimes, certain people might not be fated to be your friends, no matter how much I try, relationship with others just doesnt work out, nothing blends.

However, this didnt stop me from moving in life. To be honest, most of the time in my life, I've been running after time to fulfill my dreams. I couldn't be bothered with the people who aren't bothered about me. I think my future is more important than they are. After all, I strongly believe that in this world, within oneself, lives a demon. We're all bad guys. Sometimes, we're just hypocrites. Yes, humans are like that. We may just wish for the best for ourselves and not for the rest. Maybe this is generalising, but that's personally how I feel, not trying to say anyone here.

Sometimes, i just wished I could live alone. I dont want to see any faces. Sometimes, it just irks me.

With dear

2011-04-10T18:06:00.006+08:00

Went out with Raymond yesterday. Met him at Dhoby Gaunt at 1pm and we went to Hougang to a place called the King of Kites. Hmmm. He bought two kites, delta and ghost kites for 40bucks. It's pretty reasonable though. He bought two reels for 50 bucks and that's like 90bucks already. 90bucks investment in his newly found interest which he discovered last week (if Im not wrong) on the trip for kite flying. Hmmm. I saw mickey mouse kite. hahah. It's so cute and huge! SUPER LIKE.

The worst thing which ever happen yesterday was, I was feeling unwell yesterday. Damn it. I was pretty sure, I ruined the whole atmosphere. I was like some stupid weakling. Whenever Im sick, I look like some retard, I swear. hhahaha. Yeah, so after which, we went to Plaza Sing, visited Carrefour to buy some food that we're gonna bring to Marina Barrage. I feel kinda bad that Raymond had been paying for all the expenses yesterday :( Opps.

There were hell lots of people over there, running, playing, photo-taking, kite flying, eating. hahaha. We were so hungry and hence, our first activity there was to eat! Took photos and then we realise, it's gonna rain. Dear Raymond was kinda disappoint, I could tell eh. Nevermind, there is still next time (: By the time we walked to the bus stop to wait for the shuttle bus, it was pouring heavily and yesterday was the first time in my life, squeezing with so many people under a roof. The rain just came at the wrong time! And the moment the bus came, and when it opened the door, the personality of Singaporean unleashed at that moment. Oh well, people just push their way up the buse, cause everyone's afraid that they can't get up the bus. Of all times except moments like such, I have always been proud to be a Singaporean. I don't understand why people has to behave in this way, it's so ungracious. I think, if only people can stop such behaviour and do things in an orderly manner even in times of chaos, Im sure, the number of people dying in a disaster could have decreased. We can save a lot more people given the same limited time.

Head down to vivo afterwards as Raymond wants to meet Toby and the rest. Yeah, and we went to take a look at TP's grad show. Once again, I have to say, their work are awesome. SP should buck up and lecturers should be more strict and set higher expectations. After looking at their work, I only have one thing in my head, I WANT/MUST TO DO BETTER THAN THEY CAN IN MY THIRD YEAR. Left vivo at around 9 plus, got home at about 11plus. Yesterday was so not my day afterall, I just feel so sick. Im still coughing now. tsk. Must get well soon.

Anyway, tomorrow is FOP already. Need to get to school by 8am. That's pretty early right. hahha. I cant wait for school to start, and now, Im feeling a little scared and excited about the coming semester. Looking forward :)

I have photos!

Favourite photo of the day <3

Cosy Corner

2011-04-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

LOOK LOOK LOOK
AWESOME SHIT RIGHT!
I KNOW

hahahha. DID's cosy corner ftw! :D All our hardwork has been paid off. Totally love this space.

Oh well, new timetable out already. Im pretty satisfied with the arrangement as I dont have school on Wednesday. hahaha. And, guess what, my TOD lecturer is Sharn again :D Yes, there's hope for Theory of Design now. :D I promise to score well this time. But there is no more breakfast with my dad and mom on Tuesday anymore, cause, lesson starts at 9am.

Alright, I think that's all. Back to Dream High. Hopefully, I'll get back with more updates tomorrow

sad life with no money

2011-04-05T00:31:00.000+08:00

STEPHANIE NAH. PLEASE STOP SHOPPING FOR GOD SAKE. LOOK AT YOUR ATM. IT'S CRYING. MY HEART'S CRYING. BIG SIGH.

I spent 30 bucks for a lesson learnt today. Don't be too impulsive. I couldnt wear them. WHAT AN ASS. I know I shouldnt be complaining, but please just let me vent my frustration. I dont know since when I start to spend so much money on shopping. This is real bad, I swear. I cant seems to control myself. The more you buy, the more addictive it becomes. Im praying that I'll strike rich when I grow up and also, marry a blooody rich husband who earns six to seven digits. WAHH. This feels like a dream. hahahha.

I did express manicure for the first time in my life for 4bucks. hahaha. Pretty cool. It's different when you let others do it. Nice. I love my nail colour okay!!!!!! It's so pretty. :D From effing red, it turned maroon and now it looks like brown. HOW COME? but it's still awesome! I love my ring from diva too. hahaha. twelve bucks spent was so super worth it! I am going to show off during grad night tomorrow. LOL. (well that was just a casual remark) I really hope everything will turn out good on me, like seriously. I hate occasions like this, cause you'll want to look the best that you can be. So irritating

I am so freaking sad right now because I keep thinking about money. sigh. What's the big deal with money? Why do we always have problem with it! I need to earn them back and make my ATM bloated again.

Dead tired

2011-04-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

Ohmygod. I think I seriously miss my secondary school friends and especially those from my clique. I wanna see them all and then we can have a good catch up with one another. Miss those days ):

I am going to minimize my spending tomorrow. Save the rest for the coming saturday. I've been working the hell out for money nowadays. Cos I really need it badly. Now, I am having backache and stuff which are kinda torturing me. I wish my house have an OSIM or something. Urgh.

I dont know why, but I just got thing "I really dont like you" feeling coming out. Ohdear. I keep telling myself to stop thinking. Stop this whole hatred thinggy steph, it's bad for health!!!!

Okay, need to catch some sleep already. Goodnight everyone.

Last few weeks

2011-04-02T01:10:00.001+08:00

Im pretty upset now ): Here's my reasons as you read along.

The day started off pretty sian. Woke up at 10am, which I think my body clock has adjusted to that timing somehow. Left my house at around 11 plus and reached school at noon for a discussion with janice about the cosy corner. Well, things went pretty alright. blah blah blah and we left school at 2 plus. Headed down to Fareast with Quennie. We had to shop. Yes, shop for dresses for grad night, not our grad night, but our seniors. hahahaha. Ohmygod. Now grad night this word haunts me so badly. Okay. So my hunt for dresses wasnt so bad. Got my black long maxi dress. and yes. I bought cosmestics and guess what. 70 bucks flew with just 4 basic items. =.= I feel like crying arh. Don't laugh okay. But this is the first time I buy cosmestics. Luckily Quennie was around then. That didnt make me feel like a fool. I think Im spending unnecessary money on stuff that isn't related to me. I could have chosen not to go grad night. hahaha. But nevermind. Quennie and I got another date on Monday. She's gonna hunt her dress again and we're gonna shop for our accessories as well.

Hmmm. I look at the amount of money left in the bank. T.T I felt like screaming and crying. LOL. I told myself, that I should cancel away the shopping spree which I had in mind before school starts cause I think I've got no more money to spare. All I want now is to spend the rest few weeks earning more money for my materials when school starts. damn. I think I still haven't enjoyed holidays. sigh.

Tomorrow's saturday. And Im working. yay. Money coming in. hahahaha. Sorry, but all these just make me so money-face. But I dont care. This is reality.

Okay. Time to sleep. Goodnight :) Enjoy your weekends :D

Get over it

2011-03-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

Leave everything behind and move on.
The more you try to defend and explain yourself, the more unhappiness it will bring.

Let's stop here

POKER FACE

2011-03-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

The best thing people around me can do is to treat me as an invisible person. That is seriously the only good thing that you can do to ease my emotions.

This is the first time, I feel like Im a problematic kid.

This is the first time, I almost feel like dying from unknown factors

This is the first time, I want to give up so badly

This is the first time, I lose my heart and soul over something which I remember, I wanted so badly

This is the first time, I cry over things like that.

This is the first time, I hate myself this much

This is the first time, I felt quite speechless.

This is the first time, I think I wasn't being myself at all

This is the first time, I try to escape

I have to stop being selfish. If only emotions aren't expressed on my face, but else where, and people dont see them. It would be god damn awesome.

Sometimes, you can't find the right words to express yourself. Feelings and emotions that words couldn't explain. And I always like to keep things to myself. I dont like others to probe into my affairs and I find that they dont need to know too much because, afterall, I am confident I can get out of the shit myself. My ego, remember. "I don't need help!" This is what I think, "I got into this shit mess, and I'll get out of it, myself, with my own capabilities." It may sound rude to people who are sincerely concern about me, greatly appreciated, but I will appreciate even more if you dont ask me anything at all.

People are just unaware of how ruthless my mouth can be. Hence, keep yourself away from me lest getting hurt. I dont want to hurt anyone either. When in a bad mood, I'll just shut myself away from everything and anything. I just stare blankly/think through things. I don't talk. I don't smile. This time, I got really tired, of everything around me. Like, I just lost my goal in life and has become so meaningless that all that I ever wish to do is sleep away my time. Nothing in this world is going to appeal to me now. I just want to clear everything out of this fucked up mind. It's so full of rubbish that it might burst like a balloon as of what Joash said.

Now, I just need to pick up the pieces as I go. I need to generate this feel of "there is a camp in 2 days' time" I need to start being happy. Now I know, it takes 3 seconds to become sad, but at least 3 hours to become better/happy again. I promise everything's gonna be okay by then. Everything. I want to stay ignorant about matters. If only sleep can make me forget things. How great.

I am behaving like a freaking asshole lately. No one knows what is wrong, cos I dont even know.

That should be me

2011-03-21T08:34:00.000+08:00

(credits: joemin and her blog)

I think Justin Bieber is quite talented lah. At the age of 16/17 this is not something, any asian kids can have the chance and ability to do so. To sing, to hold concerts, to win applaud from all over the countries. I don't know nor understand why people hate him this much and keep insulting, criticising him. What is wrong with these people. If you really hate him, then, don't even watch his videos. Doesn't that make you feel better. I dont see how he has offended anyone, so just by criticizing him, dont make you look any better. Im sure it takes him to sacrifice certain things in life to make him where he is standing.

Honestly speaking, I think I quite like his songs. :) I look up to people who can sing, like seriously, because I can't. Everyone is born with something special in them. Don't be jealous and start criticizing others. Start criticizing yourself first. Maybe, that's when you know what you're lacking, what you're lousy in and you can have the time to change yourself and be better than the person whom you "hate" :)

Make some sense right? hahaha.

Cheryl Cole & Alexandra Burke

2011-03-20T11:20:00.003+08:00

Sushi and shoes.

2011-03-17T19:26:00.000+08:00

Had great food today!!! SUSHI! Maybe I should migrate to Japan, but not now. Aw, it's so sad for them. Hope everything's gonna be over and yes, may god bless them. It's daddy's birthday!! 45th Birthday, if Im not wrong. hahaha. I think I inherited this, "I love sushi" and "I love wasabi" trait from him. hahaha. WE LOVE SUSHI SO MUCH! Ate away $111 today. hahaha. Dad's in an awesome mood. He made bobochacha. hahaha. I am such a happy girl today, and I think my stomach agrees too. Good food the whole time. Whooosh! So are my feet. I've got 2 pairs of new shoes, one from Charles and Kieth, another from rubi. YAY. It's always a good choice to go out with your mom. Im sucha clever girl. Opps. (giggle so happily). I am greedy, I still want more shoes. :D

Okay. tomorrow's prep camp. A little stress now. I hope people do come down and yes, hope everything will runs smoothly. I hope I can talk properly tomorrow, don't stammer like an idiot. Ohyes, my wish.

I'll be back on Saturday night I guess. Might be busy tidying the whole place up and all after the camp. Hmmm. I have to be prepared for any worse case scenarios. Hmm.

back again

2011-03-15T18:15:00.000+08:00

I think Im feeling so much stable now.

Many times before this, I have always wanted to disappear, to go on hiatus and stop blogging for a long time. But No matter how many times I try to leave this place, I realize, I'll be back in less than a week's time. Blogging has seriously been part of me. I really feel strange not blogging about my life, despite how boring it is. It feels strange, not having to go to my own blogs for the past few days. That was all my routine.

Life's been pretty much boring I guess. Nothing else besides camp. Going back to school almost everyday and my mom keep nagging at me saying that I am always not at home, blah blah. Well, honestly speaking, I would really wish to spend more time at home too. Can't wait for camp to be over. I want some time for myself too. So sick of life currently. sigh.

I am craving for my dad's fish porridge for dinner later. hehehe. His porride is always that awesome! I totally love it. ahhh. Can't wait can't wait. Wanted to meet Mr Raymond, but decided not to, but spend some time with my family. I'll wait for friday to come then.

Haitus

2011-03-12T16:44:00.002+08:00

My 680th post since 2006.

No idea if I'll be gone for long or short. Im just here to bid goodbye for now.

thankful

2011-03-12T15:34:00.000+08:00

I am speechless.
I am grateful to my good friend, ms Quennie who has been helping me out and encouraging me relentlessly. When I was so sian and you will keep telling not to, and be positive. Somehow, your words fell on deaf ears. No matter how hard I tried, nothing works. You make me realise, how undetermined I am, and how weak and pessimistic I am. Thank you. obstacles make me grow and learn. I am also grateful to whoever out there trying to save this whole situation. It's time I do something as well.

Disappearance

2011-03-11T23:41:00.002+08:00

I don't have my rights now to post. Fine.

I miss you already

2011-03-05T21:41:00.003+08:00

Even though we met each other yesterday. But Im missing you again. hmmm.

I know I need to work on my proposals, however, Im just too lazy. I only wanna sleep. Ohman. cannot cannot. I must do some work first. Why am I sucha pig!?

):

Credits to Liqi (her blog)

I love you as always

2011-03-01T22:35:00.003+08:00

Eat well

sleep well

Be all well

flawless

2011-02-28T23:10:00.001+08:00

I worked three days straight and now, my back has started to ache like there's no tomorrow. I will always face this back problem whenever I over work, or when I sit too long for hours doing something. Tsk.

I've sort of gotten rid the issue of Camp shirts and I can work on events wholeheartedly tomorrow and on wednesday. Hmm. After much thoughts, I have decided to sit in for the events meeting and be a gek po somehow. No more time to waste. Gotta make full use of any chances we have during meetings and times when we return to school. 2 weeks to Prep Camp. Seems like people are still keen in joining our camp. I've been receiving smses, phone calls from campers these days. Now and then, they just make me feel stress and yet at the same time, looking forward to the whole thing. Right from the start, I've put up high expectations for myself and my team. And to prove to whoever my seniors are that FOC 2011/2012 will be a great success. I want it to be 99.9% close to perfection. I'll try my best not to be too demanding. However, if you're able to take my demands with stride, this goes to show that, this foc mean a lot to you and your commitment level. Please, make any necessary sacrifices when time calls for it. I really need that spirit in everyone now :)

yawns yawns yawns.

It's been pretty good going back to Pet shop for work. Dogs are awesomely cute :) I think it'll take me another week in order to get hold of my skills again. I've gotten really rusty over the past few months when I was so busy and I couldnt get to work at all. I didnt even get to practise my favourite sport--table tennis now. So sad. Why?! I need my own leisure activities. Yes. I will find time for that. I can't just drop that.

I planned and scheduled my activities for this entire holidays. I practically packed it all with work at Petshop. I wanted to take this chance to earn as much as I can. Partly to make up for what I've been spending crazily over the past 2 months (over shopping) and also, for the coming semester, as new projects start coming in, money flies at the same time. Yeah. Work, camp, table tennis (hopefully), time to brush up on my studies. Tuesdays are meant for my family, some days for friends, some days for Raymond. hahaha. Sounds busy eh. woah. I am ready man!!!!!

Too little or too much

2011-02-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

Well, I've got things to do actually. FOC. lol. My mind is full of that right now. At the same time, I know I need to go to bed already. Headache is hitting me and yes, I gotta work tomorrow. So, it's time.

Goodnight world.

Back together again

2011-02-25T00:04:00.000+08:00

There are certain thing which I cannot agree with you. One thing especially, about my work. I have my own stand, my own philosophy. Sorry, if I ever appear rude in front of you for not listening to what you say and being really stubborn, I can only say, I can't change this. And I won't. Thank you for challenging me, by trying to bet with me, proving me wrong, cos, Im gonna prove you wrong too. (: Okay. I am super stubborn, just remember this, and we shall not talk over things of such cause I will only get really agitated most of the time. hehehehe.

Went to watch Raymond play soccer today at some Fico hub, which I've never heard of, until recently. And it's actually near the vicinity of where Im living and how can I not know!? So I sat there for an hour. Okay, not so bad, because I have HOME&DECOR magazine with me plus, it's not too boring seeing ppl play soccer la.

Our movie date was being postponed in the end because it was kinda late eh. So we went to have our dinner at some place which I have no idea what is that call, around Dhoby Gaut area. Food was good, and Raymond ordered quite a lot and yes, I ate A LOT. I swear my stomach is growing day by day. Know what, I think my appetite is 2/3 times bigger than his. ohman. I don't think its a good thing right. hahaha.

Tried Gong cha for the first time. It's very similar to those KOI, or eskimo cafe which I've tried. Reasonable price, I like :) Chill out for a while and took train at 10 plus. yawns. Last submission tomorrow. And yes. I can be free from assignment and work wholeheartedly on FOC now. Really way behind time now. Worried is the only word to describe my feelings. I just hope things will go on smoothly from where we are now. No hiccups please.

Been really in love with the song, "fucking perfect" by Pink. Awesome song, I swear, meaningful MV too. Should really take a look if you haven't :D Credits to Zikun. I went blog hopping and chance upon the video. hahaha.

I want to get some new shoes so badly. So badly. (this is totally random) hahahaha.

full of cake in my stomach

2011-02-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!

Thank you for all the well wishes, whether they are through messages or facebook. I really appreciate it :) Now, Im tired of replying "thankyou" hahaha. But I will still do so. Its a matter of basic courtesy.

Went out with Quennie, Angela, Jx and Aaron. We had steamboat, the one that Auntie lucy advertised. Oh well, I think it's kinda disappointing because food was bad, service was bad, interior design of the restaurant was bad, ergonomically failed. haha. But great company was what matters most. 20bucks, and I find it rather reasonable. Yeah. The surprise came. I seriously think Im a real dumbo. I feel like an idiot. I feel so cheated in a good way. haha. Or rather, they are smart, they are good actors and actresses. I was being kept in the dark right from the start. Thank you for the surprise. Pretty awesome. Love the cake with the nice drawings. hahahaha. I ate almost half the cake. Woah. I can eat alot eh. I wore the pink hello kitty watch for the whole day today. haha. Even though I really hate pink and hello kitty, but for today, they made a good combination and I like it :D. I love the Zara wallet even more! I didn't expect you girls to listen to me so attentively that even for myself. I dont even remember saying I love that wallet. hahaha. YAYAYA. Imma happy girl with Zara wallet :D

We were left with nothing to do afterwards, so we went to Marina Square again. Played pool and bowling. Raymond joined us shortly after. Thank you for your gift too :D Oh yes. Aaron was so niccee to treat us mcflurry. hahaha. Yay. Free icecream :D After savouring the icecream, we went home.

No pictures tonight. Will post them up here when Angela has uploaded it up on facebook :)

I've been rather vain recently. Been "zilian-ing" LOL.

oh yes. I kissed myself. haha. Kinda fake arh. Not very convincing, I shall try harder next time.

Tada. Thats all for today. I am so full. My whole stomach is filled with the icing cake I had earlier and the chocolate cake which my family bought to celebrate with me. hahaha. Yay. 18. Im legal. And Im old.

I enjoy your company

2011-02-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

You made my day!

Today was study trip to national library at Bugis with Raymond. Had the intention to complete my essay there which I didnt. But I finished 5 journal entries instead. haha. Hell yeah. Killed 5, another 5 to go and one essay. Not gonna do anymore tonight. Shall take a rest tonight and start again tomorrow in the early morning. Reached the library at 1pm and we left at 5pm. We walk all the way from the library to cathay. Had popeyes for dinner and we went to catch No Strings Attached. It's M18. I watched my first M18 movie even before my birthday. HAHA. Ehh. Perhaps, that wasnt the kind of movie Im after. I think I wasted 10bucks. haha. Nah, nevermind. Everything has its first time.

Train journey back home with Raymond was the best part of the day. Well, who's humorous? YOU or ME? You just love imitating how I speak, just can't stop laughing at how you acted. And yes, you are now officially known as the YELLOW PIG while Im the BLUE PIG, otherwise known as AVATAR PIG. Well, I was like the joker of the day. I am being mocked at, by YOU! HMPH. haha. Today is the first time, I laugh so crazily and happily with you around. There were still quite a bit of funny happenings, but I just couldnt recall all of a sudden. Thank you for sending me back home again :) I know you're tired and please just sleep early.

Sometimes, I just happen to have mood swing all of a sudden. Please trust that Im really fine when I say Im okay. See, Im all well and happy today, isn't it? Im an optimistic person. I get over things fast and get the better out of it. So, dont worry too much. I will share with you something, when there really is something.

Lovely day.

Guilt

2011-02-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

Today is money spending day. I feel so guilty for spending so much money and not doing any work today ): But whatever it is, I've got good buys today. Bought 4 tops for 40 plus and a ring for 10bucks at fourskin. After today, I told myself Im gonna start work at pet shop starting from next week onwards. The money in the bank is depleting again. ):

We first had our lunch at Hong kong cafe

Quennie's papaya soup

Angela's

My cheese bake rice with fried fillet. yummy :D Love the cheese

Featuring the two ladies

After the flea, we intended to go to marina barrage but it was drizzling and we dropped that idea. Went for Pool instead.

After pool was dinner at Just Acia

Last, but not the least, my ring. lol

Alright, it's time to take a shower and start my HTI. I am still feeling so guilty. Target for the night is 3 entries. I will try my best. I just hope that my bed doesnt tempt me.

Randomness

2011-02-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

Hello peepo.
I am a lazy pig today. I sleep a lot and I don't feel like doing work at all ): But I still have to after all. Shall do HTI after this post. haha

The following pictures are taken on one of the days when I was at 500 plus market. The cat which look very much like a tiger. Aw. so cute. :D

You have to agree that it's so adorable right :)

I know it's random, but I've got nothing else to post. hahahaha

This was taken on Valentine's Day, before going out to meet Mr Raymond. lol.

You saw it anyway, bad boy. tsk. haha

And tada, my dog and I. hahaha. This was taken a few minutes ago. :D

Oh man, I can't wait for the release of my GPA results. Ahhhhh. And tomorrow is girls outing with Quennie and Angela to Flashlightbatteries flea. hehe. :D Awesome much

You are cheeky

2011-02-17T00:05:00.000+08:00

It's not until you have done so, then will you understand how it feels. Having to travel to and fro almost everyday from AMK to boonlay is not an easy thing I swear. Just by taking red line and switching back to green, heading back home just now was already that tiring for me. I really appreciate all these sacrifices you have made. (:

I am only done with half of my storyboarding but Im feeling really sleepy right now. How? Yesterday, I made a grave mistake by taking an hour nap which turns out to be 5 hours instead. damn thing. Thank goodness there wasnt much I need to do for matech so things sort of went well.

I'll try to complete my storyboarding tonight, so I can go sing K with no worries at all :D Quite excited right now because Aaron is going to sing chinese songs tomorrow. hahaha. Cool.

At first, I was pretty reluctant to attend the meeting today. But who knows, we have free coffee and icecream just even before meeting starts. Awesome much isn't it? ahahahaha. Naise. This is the most enjoyable meeting so far. LOL.

Ok ok, I better be off and do work. Am actually dozing off already.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

2011-02-14T08:46:00.000+08:00

I had a hell shock the moment I got up this morning. I saw your facebook and blog. What happened dear?

Isn't today a happy day? It's Valentine's Whether you have a partner or not, it still marks a happy occasion with your loved one, whoever it may be. Who says Valentines has to be between two persons? I have no idea what is going on right here. I just hope things get back fast. I want my friends to be happy. (: If they don't, I'll get affected eventually.

I dont know if I have neglected the two of you. Feels like I did. Sometimes I feel really bad. I feel sandwiched. Even though you guys didnt say anything, but I feel like something is amiss. Maybe i think too much?

Things are gonna be a little different this year on this day. I used to spend it with my friends, exchanging nice chocolates. haha. Even with such small gifts, it was comforting and blissful. It doesn't take a lot to make one feel good and happy. The presence of my friends more important in this case.

Hoping that today will go really well.

Overly

2011-02-13T12:55:00.000+08:00

Went over to Quennie's place yesterday. We eat, we gambled. I tonned at her place but I kinda regretted because I could have gone home and take a good rest and then start doing work in the next morning. Whatever it is, thank you for food and all. :)

Took cab with liming, Angela and aaron home this morning. I wanted to go back home so desperately. Hmm. Home is still the best place after all.

Right now, Im starting to feel sleepy already. Im thinking if I should take a nap or not. Hmmm. I have three things to do today. One, iron my clothings, two, prepare my critique speech which is done halfway, third, my matech journal. My critique falls on Tuesday. ARGH. IM SCARED! haha. I am still worrying about a lot of stuff right now. FOC is the main thing here. Damn.

Even though submissions are more or less over. But I still feel like something is pressurizing me ): Sigh.

2011-02-10T10:31:00.001+08:00

Bad bad bad. Im down with serious flu this time. Tonight will be the last night. I swear, I will enjoy my friday and this weekends like it's the last. I want to sleep like a pig. Whatever, you call me. You just dont know how deprived we are as student designers without enough of rest and hours to sleep. It's mentally torturous.

Printed my presentation board yesterday at sunshine plaza. With six A2 boards, sixty bucks just flew away. hahaha. My boards aren't very amazing. But it's the first, I will surely do a better one the next time. hmmm.
I 'll show you how it looks like in the next few posts

Life's been pretty much mundane as you can see it for yourself in my blog with all the things which I did over the past few weeks of schooling. I really look forward to my holidays right nowWe all deserve some good rest. There is no reason why I should feel guilty anymore. After the end of submission and critique, nothing much is gonna change because I still have FOC. Hmmm. It's a different kind of feeling. Something really different from doing assignments. Even though there is no grades, but it's still pressurizing in some way.

I seriously think my eyes need some rest. It's soooo super dry that i realise, it's getting smaller and smaller each day. LOL. While my stomach gets bigger and bigger because I ate too much. My skin is pretty dry as well. Everything's just not right.

Dont wanna fall sick because, I wanna enjoy life.

It's nearing

2011-02-06T14:39:00.000+08:00

HEEEEYYYY HEEEEYYYY HEEEEEYYYYY

Im so hyped up now. I wasn't like this in the morning because I couldn't get the mood for work even after trying for hours. And yes! I've completed my section drawings at last. I found out a cheat code via twitter. I saw what Jeremy replied Angela about using 3D max to help you draw sections. haha. Well, it does work. It did help :) Naise. Now I've found a reason for creating Twitter. :)

Just came back from Gek Poh, after photocopying my construction drawings. Well, not very expensive. But printing of A3 colored pdf document is. 3bucks. And I didn't print in the end. Might as well, I print them in school tomorrow right.

So, now that I've got the mood for work, Im gonna do my 2 perspective drawings of my model, 1:5 model (which I did halfway last night) and also hti presentation. Quennie just break me the bad news that our presentation is this coming wednesday. WOW. I only have 3 effing days to do them. And guess what. I am not nervous or panicking at all. Im so laid back right now. I couldn't even be bothered to worry about it. Wonder if that's a good thing.

OHYEAAAAHHH. Just where did all these energy came from!!!!!!!! I am so motivated now :D
Five more days!

One down

2011-02-04T18:51:00.000+08:00

Hi people.
Im bored and Im here again to share with you my finished 3dmax model.

It's all that I've done.

Currently, Im still at my Grandma's house. By the time I reach home, I'm gonna do my moodboard, and maybe my section drawings. (I hate that seriously) and other little stuff. Hmmm. I keep feeling sleepy. And my stomach feels strange. Kinda bloated cos I think I ate too much junk food. lol

Okay. I have nothing to say. Bye.

So pain

2011-02-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

My heart. In pain. It's contracting and expanding. (it's feels "sour")
I don't why am I like this.
I couldnt help it.
Looking forward at first, but now, I don't feel like talking anymore.

Feels like someone just cruelly took out my heart and squashed it/stepped on it and ripped it apart.

Im not angry.
Im not happy
I dont know what im feeling right now.

Food is awesome

2011-02-03T20:32:00.000+08:00

HELLO!

I've just updated my livejournal, and here I come again. LOL. Not that I've got nothing to do, I have a lot in fact. Today is an awesome day, not because of red packets, but because I get to EAT A LOT today. Ohmygod. My stomach is soooo big now. hahahaha.

Okay, actually this post is quite crappy. I have nothing much to talk about. I shall be off to do my 3d max again :)

I keep wondering what are you doing all the while? Hmmm. lol

How I wish you were here

2011-02-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

This is strange. Did you just create a blogger account? Huhuhuh?

Ohman, this year's chinese new year just doesnt feel right. I've got no mood. Just s-i-a-n. All I think about is school work. Sigh. I feel so insecure now. Felt like Im gonna get a B this time or even a C. NONONO. That's definitely not what I want. ):

It's only 8 plus and Im feeling sleepy. The house is so quiet now. I think my parents went to bed already. haha. I am just as tired as they are. But I want to complete my 3d max first. I keep feeling hungry and craves for desserts. What is wrong with me?

Im a moody girl tonight ;(

No exception

2011-01-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

I know. My entries has been really depressing lately. And that's shows you how depressed I am right now. Not depressed over family, friends or relationship but just school work.

I've never felt so stressed up for so long. I can't help it. I just can't stop thinking about it. I keep telling myself I deserve all the rest and fun over the weekends, but but, I just can't bring myself to enjoy life a little. So what's wrong with myself? If this continues, Im seriously gonna drive myself up the wall. Sometimes, I really hate myself for behaving this way. I really don't like this.

I know Im asking a lot from myself. So much so that, it's eating up myself. I expect too much from myself. Even my parents don't go to such an extent. Currently, I have 13 things on my to-do-list from now till my full submission. I have 2 weeks. I want GPA of 3.5 and above.

I just need a clear mind. I know what I want in the end. I know where Im heading towards to. I just need the courage to carry on.

I always believe, nothing is too daunting. There is no exception for this time.

You can

2011-01-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

Why am I having this feeling again?
I think Im under immense stress. So stress that I was about to break down in studio yesterday (I just recalled this) I remember those days during O-levels, sometimes, I would weep under my blanket and then just fell asleep. Because I was just too stress.

I think I have to learn to let go. If people are able to do last minute, then I think I can do that too. I need to be a little laid back. I need to relax. I need to breathe like a normal human being.

Please understand that I won't be very nice for the following two weeks. I may show you black face, or I'll have some attitude problems, please don't take it to heart and just don't talk to me. I promise I'll be okay if you just leave me alone.

I just want to win so badly. Please just stay focus and walk through this.

Now, my tears are welling up unknowingly. Maybe sleep is the best solution now?

This is too much

2011-01-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

HECTIC HECTIC HECTIC!
EXHAUSTED EXHAUSTED EXHAUSTED!

Today is seriously a day worth mentioning. Hmm. How should I say it?

Firstly, today is Thursday, which is the day when I have Gems and yes, I have a presentation today. I was supposed to meet my group members in school at 7:30am. And guess what? I was still on my bed when it was 7:45am. Damn! I was panicking. Packed my stuff, changed, wash up and my dad drove me to school. Unfortunately, it's in the morning and that's peak hour, so halfway through out the journey, my dad turned back and dropped me off at Chinese Garden. Thank goodness, my group was the third group to present and I reached school at 8:30am. This presentation was the most impromptu ever! Whatever it is, this is all finally over. I have to thank Samantha, our group leader who is so responsible and take up whatever task that is left, simply because no one took the initiative. Im glad, she was the group leader, as she is really trustworthy and reliable! :)

Went for IDR class after that. Now, something else happened. I forgot to bring the most important thing to class--my construction drawings which I've done last night. I wanted to consult Banya. I totally felt so screwed! In the end, I turned to my dad for help again. He went back home to get me my A3 file and so I manage to get my work done. Thanks a lot dad. Totally grateful!

Nothing seems to be going on smoothly for me today. The next thing which happened was, I nearly cut myself deep with the penknife. I was talking and looking at Quennie, at the same time, cutting my white card. I wonder how the penknife actually moved up to my thumb. Sigh.

Well, even the lights in the toilet are so uncooperative. The lights just went off when I was still in the cubicle. It was in total darkness.

Been staying in school till 10pm for almost everyday in this week. And that goes the same for today. Yes, Im releasing my stress right here after completing, 4 floor plans, 2 elevations. And Im so stuck with section. ): I can't understand. (inserts SUPER SAD FACE). I've still got a 200 concept write up not done. Was suppose to do that, but I sidetracked and came here to blog instead. lol.

There's another submission tomorrow. I hope I won't be late like today. It's so scary.

For your information, I like to talk to myself, or even to objects around me. I don't do that everyday or every moment. But only in times when I think Im stress. Interactivity. hahaha. I am not strange okay! I am perfectly normal and alright.

This is basically how I look like most of the time for this term. CUI. HAHAHA.

3 MORE WEEKS. We'll end this misery temporary.

Models

2011-01-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

(tumblr)

Second post of the day.

I don't know what else I can do besides blogging.

For the past two days, I've been making models.

The side effect of overdosage of model making is here to haunt me--neck pain.

I don't even know if Im slow or fast this time.

Im making 3 models, 12 cuboids, and at this stage, Im done with 7 cuboids.

While the rest all half done.

I've got 6 construction drawings to do.

The most worrisome project is HTI presentation, it's still left untouched.

Give life a big sigh.

Tonight before I go to bed, I think I wanna complete 2 more cuboids.

Best is, I don't even sleep and I finish them all, which I doubt I can do so.

Once Im done with my models, I will definitely take tons of photos and upload here to "hao lian"

haha. Nah, just kidding la, not hao lian, but just to take this chance to display my hardwork. For the very least, they should be shown to the rest even if it's not the best, but because that's my efforts put in. I've sacrificed my many nights/sleep for that! I am aiming for A!

You know, it's so hard for me to get a six hours of sleep daily right now. This is sad life.

I think I want to nap for two hours before continuing.

My posts lately has been about school work.

Im sure readers like you have gotten real sick of it. Yes, even I do.

Please bear with me for another 3 weeks. After the submission and critique, I will come back with lively entries. hehehe.

Cut

2011-01-22T16:57:00.000+08:00

I cut my finger. Well. not done so deliberately. lol. I know someone will start nagging at me. I will say my progress for model making is not so bad at this stage. I am making two more new models. The first one which I did for the first submssion is damn cui already. It's like an experiment tool for me. The second new model is a progression model to show the changes I made to the exterior/interior spaces. And last but not the least my third model which will be my final model for submission and grading. hehe. I like the thick walls. Though I have to do extra work by cutting all of them over and over again, but it's really solid. I like!

Yesterday, I fell asleep again. I laid on my bed at 1plus and I slept till 5am. damn. And from there, I work all the way till 8am. After that, I went to have Mac breakfast with my brother. haha. awesome!!! I felt so guilty for not waking you up at 3 plus when you told me to. Sigh. Guess, Im really a pig now. I sleep like a log nowadays. I can sink into lalaland in less than 2 minutes and without even realising, it may be past 5 hours when you feel that you have only slept for 2 hours. I am just this tired.

Quennie and Angela went for their third shopping trip today and I didn't join. Hmm. I've got no feel for shopping though I want to shop badly. LOL. (What am I even saying?) Yeah. Nevermind. I'll wait. For now, I only want to complete my models quickly and get on to my construction drawings. STRESS!

It's another boring weekends ): The fourth week is coming soon. This is so fast. sigh.

Atomic Bomb

2011-01-19T22:10:00.001+08:00

Maybe people should just stop talking to me.
I have began to feel tired to just even open my mouth.
I am tired of showing expressions on my face.
I am too weary to even think of anything else beside wanting to complete my assignments

I am feeling so grouchy, grumpy.
I have no idea when will be the next moment I start shouting straight in someone's face.
So, stay clear of me.
I am like an atomic bomb which will explode any moment from now.
There won't be any signal, so please be very careful.
I am being very nice right now to warn you right here.

You cannot imagine how scary I am. I am curious too.

I am so tired.
I just want to complete my work without falling asleep.
I will just try my very best tonight.

Another start of the week

2011-01-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

Ohyeah. I am back again (:

I would say it's a boring sunday spent doing assignments. The good thing is, I've completed all of them :) I've finished my spatial diagram, floor plans (which I think it looks kinda screwed tho), and xdm assignment. hahahaha. This makes me real happy. There's IDC test tomorrow. Hmm. I hope it's gonna be easy and matech lesson to be short.

It's already the third week and I must start on my HTI ppt slides. No more escaping and procrastination. Faster get it done or I'll die. I know I've been repeating it many times but, "I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE THE HTI LECTURER. (not faris) Eww, he is so irritating especially when he starts bombarding us with tons of questions which we cant answer.

More and more people are leaving the course. I am feeling happy about it. Yes, Im mean, and Im so realistic. There will be fewer people competing. That's just a part of a reason. Another reason is, students who are keen in learning should be given more attention from the lecturers. People who can't be bothered should leave so that they don't waste our precious time. If everyone just thinks that they want to go for something easy and less tiring in life, then just forget about being a human, perhaps an animal will suit you better. The moment you are born, you know in this world, the word "easy" don't exist. Life is never easy. If everything is so easy to achieve, will there even be a point in pursuing? Get a life people. Start thinking about your own future, by the time you could have realised, you'll be 21, an adult. Yes. I want to earn 5 digit salary at the age of 25. Naise!

I will not hide from my parents. I feel awkward. There's no point in hiding anyway, it's not something bad right. Yea, I will say, technology is too scary.

Start wearing dresses

2011-01-16T00:36:00.001+08:00

Im feeling weary right now. I don't think I have anymore energy for school work already, so I'll probably have some updates here and go to bed very soon.

I think I've neglected this place for a couple of days. haha. Im having lesser and lesser time to blog.

Anyway, today is a real sinful day. haha. I spent 250bucks to be exact on 8 items. Hmmm. And Mom's gonna sponsor me half of it, I guess. Let me just tell you what I've bought. A new bag ($40), brikenstock($50), 1 long pants ($40), 3 tops ($70), 1 maxi dress ($30). Oh man. It feels good to buy so many things at one shot, and I have this urge to buy more right now. haha. If only Im given another 100bucks or so, I'll buy more clothings!!!!! Perhaps, the next shopping spree will come at the end of this term. I'll wait. But first, I need to earn more money. I can feel and hear my heart shattering. lol

Whatever that I've bought are actually meant for New Year. I bought clothings that I'll wear often, hence, I didnt get anyting that is too fanciful . I remember, I used to be very particular about everything that I wear on New Year. But now, I think that's not important at all and in these years, I never regard Chinese New Year as a BIG THING. They're just normal days to me. I didn't even bother to get new shoes. Amazing right!!! Reason being, I have 2 heels at home which I seldom wear. And Chinese New Year is just the right time for them to be displayed. lol. However, Im still keeping a look out for nice flatts that I can wear to school?? Nowadays, it's really hard to find a pair of decent one.

Maybe Im not at all feminine. Honestly speaking, I think I can't even find a single dress in my wardrobe. I always can't get the right length for myself because most of the time, it's too short and in turn, it'll become a top for me. It's hard for me to find an occasion to wear dress. My point is, I spent most of my time in school, is there a need to dress up so nicely? Afterall, Im there to study, not for a fashion show. Maybe Im strange. I am not someone who don't really care about my appearance. Well, yes, I do bother, but not to the extent whereby I start to become so vain, having excessive pride over my appearance. It's useless afterall. I'd rather god gives me widsom and just be average looking. What matters more, is the inside, not the outer shell. I'll start to buy and wear more dresses. lol.

Tomorrow is an entire day dedicated for work. Hmm. I'll do spatial diagram, and drawing of 3 levels floor plan. Pimples have started to appear on my face. Argh. So exasperating.

shit shit shit. I feel like getting the 50bucks top which I saw at Fareast today!!!! HAHAHAHAHA. I can't stop thinking about shopping. Someone stop me. The amount of money in my bank is depleting every single day ):

UOYEVOLI

2011-01-11T00:17:00.001+08:00

Hello peepo.

I think Im in a great mood today. This is awesomely good. haha

Anyway, I've only done up 7 mock ups out of 10 and both Quennie and I have decided that we surrender together. I have got no more ideas and whatever that Im creating is rather crappy and I see no point in continuing. So, Im taking a break here, blogging, before moving on to my buddhism essay which is another headache.

Ever since school started, I've stop doing several things in a day. I've not tumblr for a week or so. I have not done any housework, clothings have clumped up the whole place (not that exaggerating actually). Yeah. And I've stop sleeping early since then. This is so sad. But I am happier.

There's a small xdm submission tomorrow and the 10 mockups. And on friday there is three 1:50 mock ups to be submitted. Oh man!!! Which means, I have to continue burning midnight oil until friday comes.

Something outrageous happened today. Many of us couldn't comprehend. Why are you even thinking in this way? Have we done any wrong to you? Or are you just jealous? I think we have our freedom of being with who we want and please, we aren't at all so materialistic and superficial enough to be with someone only because he can be of "good use/help" in our studies. Our grades and GPA are for real, we got it with our own capabilities and not underhand methods which I think you assumed. And we didn't rise for power because of anybody. In the first place, did we have any power at all? Stop assuming and spreading your rumors. We have our limits. Do I even need your permission to acknowledge who I can be with? Sometimes, people like such can ruin our day. But I shall not care about it anymore. Say whatever you want if that pleases or comforts you.

Okay, enough of complains for today. I shall be off to update our journal and then to my essay. :)

Rants

2011-01-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

Omg. I am seriously dying from doing all the mock ups. I am only done with 4 and there's 6 more to go for the night. How how how? This is so deadly. I really hope I can finish all of them tonight, but I deem it impossible. I need to leave tomorrow for my buddhism essay. sigh. headache ah!

Sometimes, I really hate myself with my inborn personality. Why am I such a worrisome over the gems project when my members don't seems at all worried. Why does it seems like, I am giving myself extra work. Why am I even stressing about it when no one really cares. I think gems is really a crap module. Why are we even wasting time on this. I'd rather to be given more project for my main modules than to attend gems. Ahh. I should have listened to KB and attend some lame modules. Afterall, psychology and counselling gems isn't what I thought it to be and it's seriously wasting my time!!!

sigh. I've been complaining and ranting alot these days right. I can't help it either. ): Tomorrow is week 2. I find time moving too quickly, to an extent that I find it difficult to catch up and breathe. Ever since I enter poly, time seems to fly like there's no tomorrow. In a flash, a term is over, so are my holidays. After another 7 more weeks, I'll move on to Year 2 already. This is god damn fast!

Tomorrow is the release of o level results. hmmm. All the best to those receiving their results tomorrow. May god bless you people. haha. One year ago, I had mine. It was a bad experience. Just cry and get over it, because, you see, Im all well, studying in SP. Just move on. And hopefully, people who do well, don't be complacent, because, going into JCs just marks the start of hell days. The real ones. What you experienced in Secondary school was actually nothing as compared to JCs. (stories from my JCs friends)

Okay, I need to get back to work now.

I think of you too.

What a sad sunday

2011-01-09T12:31:00.003+08:00

I have ten mock-up models to do. WOW
I have a buddhism essay not written. hmmm.

My task for today. Though there's only two left, but they're not easy at all. ):

Stress meter shot up

2011-01-04T22:21:00.001+08:00

Before I move on to my work. I would like to release my stress right here.

This is the second day of school. I am feeling very stress and I am very sure, everyone else is, unless, they have decided to quit school? Project briefs have been released all at one shot. And that's what Im asking for since last term. I always like to know the submission dates and what are the things to do way beforehand so I can plan everything right from the start. From there, things will proceed on smoothly. 6 weeks. It's neither a too short or long period. But submission dates are all cramped together. We should stop thinking that it's not possible to complete, it's tough, we should just stop complaining and whining because that is not going to change anything. Let's just be open minded and think positively. Look at how far we have gone since the day we came into SP design school. It ain't that tough isn't it? It's already the last term of this year and we'll be promoted to year 2 very soon. My stress meter just shot up to the max level today. I won't deny I am feeling very stress, but I have to say, Im taking it with stride, and we should all do. Maybe I am a freak? I always take stress as a positive motive and Im enjoying. We should stop being depress about the workload because, all the more, we are feeling pessimistic, the more stress we'll start to receive, trust me. Just tell yourself, you can. Everything is achievable.

Now, FOC OC team has been formed. Things will more or less be on track very soon once we kick off the first meeting. Now, the only worry I have is not my OC team members, but more of myself. I know my own weakness. I am someone who's not very good with words, and sometimes, it's hard for me step out of my comfort zone. I am trying very hard now, I will change. I told myself I have to, and I must change. I am willing to take up this challenge. Please pardon me for this period of time and give me some time, I promise things will turn out to be better.

I am going to sleep less for this entire term and hopefully my motivation won't burn out too fast. I am super hyped up these days and I am very into my assignments lately and FOC. I wonder how's campnival right now? There's isn't much updates going on. I am very worried? Sometimes, I don't even know if I've fulfilled my job or not. sigh. As for D&D, I have done my part for now. I've source for about 17 hotels in Singapore. I really hope we can get good replies. Hmm. And I was so "unlucky" because, I got picked as student helper for open house. Thank goodness, it's just 4 hours of voluntary work. Okay, for now, these are the things that are going on in my life right now.

I seriously think, I need to spend more time with my family once I get some of these things done. I foresee that I'll be spending hell lot of time in school than at home. Home will just be a place for me to shower and sleep. Oh man. Anyway, good luck everyone. Take things positively. YEAH YEAH YEAH. Life won't be too difficult if you keep that spirit on.

Broken heart

2011-01-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

Why is everyone's heart broken?
Nothing's intact.
It's 2011.
We still haven't left 2010, have we?
A tinge of sadness that's lingering in the air.
Sometimes, I still feel that there are cracks on the surface.
I really hope someone could heal this.
If not, I will do this job myself.

Im sorry, if there are things which I couldn't bring myself to tell you.
It's not that I treat you as an outsider, but I think keeping it to myself will be better.
Sometimes, I feel sad unknowingly.
Perhaps, Im just too sensitive and petty.
I will change.
Im trying very hard now.
I will be so affected by the things you say, but not others.
Words coming from you have a million times more impact than the words of others.

Just give me some time to be alone and I'll be fine after a while.
Please just keep this in mind, you're very important to me right now.

At last

2011-01-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

Ohmygod. I finally finish my ACM essay for after so long. I just crapped my way through though. Argh. Yay. I still have one more buddhism essay to go and also HTI ppt which is due many weeks later. However, I AM FEELING SUPER PARANOID NOW. Because I still don't understand SURREALISM.

I wonder if it's a good thing that my appetite is back. I kinda regret actually. Now, I eat non-stop. No matter how much I've eaten, my stomach just feels empty and I just want more food. ARgghhh. How to lose another kilo in the year if I continue eating like this. (Don't worry, Im not anorexic, haha) I have officially turned into a pig because I eat non-stop and so do I sleep non-stop. Ohmygoodness. Since when have I become like this. I need that workaholic spirits back again!

Aaron, you should stop asking me to relax when you and I are the same kind of person. It is impossible for me to not work when it's time to get serious. It's actually easier to get me working than to get me laughing and playing. So, I hope people around me, don't stop me from doing things which I find solace in. Working is something I enjoy doing so, so I think that shouldn't be what I'm gonna be deprived of. The greatest thing I ever get from doing work is the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. They are more assuring than anything in this world which I can ever own. Don't you take that away from me. I will turn nasty.

I live my life. And I seriously dislike people telling me what to do and what not to. I know what is right or wrong and I will act according to my own will. Don't interfere too much because I will only get very piss with you.

Plans for tomorrow is, do housework, read my design magazines, and work on my buddhism essay. PACK MY BAG. I CAN'T BELIEVE SCHOOL IS JUST 1 DAY AWAY. For tonight, I really don't feel like doing any work. I just want to spam songs till I get tired and I'll go to bed.

For the coming term, I just want to do extremely well. I'm sorry, but the "serious and fierce" self of mine will be coming back very soon. Afterall, I don't agree with the term fierce used on me. Since when was I very fierce to anyone? Yes, I admit, I am serious, to be exact, SUPER SERIOUS, but I'm not that fierce right? Does fierce and seriousness come together? Oh whatever.

I want to be a superwoman again.

2011

2011-01-01T15:37:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY 2011

I spent the day out yesterday with SD group of people. I am seriously not that kind of party/countdown person. lol. Yesterday, was the first time in my entire 17 years of life, countdown-ing. I think it's the first and gonna be the last. I don't see why people need to get so excited about the coming year. Is there any difference between 2010 and 2011. It's just a day difference. Oh never mind. Maybe, Im just a boring person. I still went home anyway, despite getting permission from my parents for tonning, I choose to go home and sleep. Perhaps, that was the right thing to do afterall.

It's 1st Jan. I stayed home. Woke up in the morning at 10 and the first thing I did was laundry. haha. Then I did my school work. And Im still doing work. This sounds kinda pathetic right. School's starting in less than 2 days time. Hmmm. I have mixed feelings. Today's target is to finish ACM essay. Im left with 2 essays right now and Im going to get one done tonight and then watch tv. hahaha. Sounds like a good plan eh.?

Nice emo song. lol

Sentosa

2010-12-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

Sentosa trip turn out to be just fine. Wasn't exactly fun, but not too bad either. I think I sat there for the whole day looking at people play. haha. The most boring trip ever in Sentosa but that's because I wasn't in the mood to get high. No idea why either. Right now, Im so not use to my red face. It looks kinda weird eh. The damn sun, but I didnt get tan at all.

The lousiest part of the day came when it rain. We sat there waiting for an hour plus. I couldn't remember what time we reached vivo, but then, that's not important. haha. Had dinner with everyone else, chilled out and I left at about 9:30pm because there was nothing left for me to do and my eyes were very dry to the extent that it's kinda irritating and I keep tearing.

I had a shocked today. All along, I've mistaken my class chalet to be on the 31st to 2jan. But the truth is, the chalet is tomorrow. Oh man. I was so not prepared at all. I wanted to work on my essays together with Quennie and Angela tomorrow in school. Plan failed. I was so sian actually, because I thought I could have completed the essays tomorrow and then go off for chalet to enjoy my last few days of holidays. The plan right now is, I will be bringing my macbook pro to the chalet and complete my essays there. Sigh. what a sad life. I've finished packing my bag not long ago. I think I took less than 15minutes. haha.

The next thing to do after this post is, do work again. :( Argh. When has life become this miserable?

The first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was, "are you okay now?" Sometimes, you're this stubborn. If you think that's the best solution, then I won't stop you, but please, take good care of yourself. I am unhappy because, you don't seem at all, worried about your own health. Get well soon. Most people are down with fever, flu and stuff, this is not a good thing afterall, when school's reopening soon, and it's gonna be a brand new year where people go for countdown. How can a sick man go out for parties. That will totally ruin the whole festive mood. Bless everyone :)

You wouldn't answer my calls

2010-12-28T19:44:00.002+08:00

Saw this on facebook. And I shall credit Kb for that.
Freaking love this song right now, though it's kinda sad.
Sigh.

We're never alone

2010-12-28T16:33:00.000+08:00

Oh yes. I just came back from school. Today is another hectic day, but was slightly better than yesterday. My legs are so jelly-like now. haha. I predict that the burning sensation will come again in the evening. I have this hunch about it. Earned hundred in two days. hehe :) And I am officially sick of looking at books now. But actually, I love books, I like the smell of books, and the touch of it. They make me wanna read them, because they're designed and printed so beautifully. haha.

Tomorrow is wednesday and it's a sentosa day. I hope it's gonna be fun, or else I'll just be wasting my own time on the beach. haha.

I swear, I will complete buddhism essay tonight!!! By hook or by crook! Gah gah gah.

My facebook status: I have awesome friends.
I don't know what happened. But I have friends who came to ask me online what is wrong with me. People like Joash, Rayner, I have least expected that. Ohh, that was very heartwarming. I didn't know what else to reply other than just saying I am fine. (but actually, Im fine la!) Thank you friends. Friends never fail to make my day. The next time you need help, remember, I'm here. haha. I will do the same as you guys did :)

I must do work tonight. Someone, you should do work too eh. Don't sleep liao!!! HAHAHA.

Promise

2010-12-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

I dont know what is wrong with me today.
I am so sorry. I totally have got no idea why I am feeling what Im feeling right now.
My mood has been like a roller coaster ride.
It went up and then plunges down so hard.
I am feeling so frightened.
I suddenly, wanted a shoulder to cry on. Despite, not knowing why I want to cry at all.
I don't even understand myself at times, and so Im not expecting you to.
I hope you will, eventually.

New hopes and dreams

2010-12-26T22:56:00.001+08:00

I gotta agree with Dylan. Yes, emo kids around. I think my friends are all in deep shit right now. I bet there are countless reasons for their behaviour and sadness. All that I wish for is for them to get over it soon. Whatever bad memories or experience, settle it in the last few days of 2010 and don't ever lead it on to the brand new year of 2011.

Happy could be such a simple word, consisting of 5 letters. But it doesn't take just 5 seconds or 5 minutes to be happy. Some take 5 hours, some take 5 days, others 5 months, or even more. I don't know. Feelings and emotions, like being sad or happy is contagious. It can have a huge impact on the people around you. I dont know what I can do to make my friends happy. All that I can offer to my friends is my pair of ears and shoulders to cry on. If you need anyone, I am here, and I bet, so are your other friends.

I only want to give the best of everything to the people whom I love.

Nothing in this world is too daunting. I believe we can all make it through. None of us is alone in this place.

For the first time

2010-12-25T21:16:00.002+08:00

Ironic much. I said we could text each other when you're bored. I didn't receive your message for an hour or so, and that's when I feel something is missing.

For the first time, I texted someone for straight 4 hours, sms-ing continuously. There were days when I only send out a single message. But I guess that's not today.

For the first time, in these few months, I didn't feel like any part of me is broken.

For the first time, I never leave my phone unattended. It is now placed 30cm within my reach.

Xmas

2010-12-25T00:21:00.001+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

Have a great day ahead.
As for me, I'll be spending my Christmas with the little dogs in the Pet shop tomorrow. haha. Cool right.

You know, girls, they like to talk about their dream boyfriend/husband. And I could still remember myself, as a young girl, telling everyone else what I see in my partner in the future. I wanted this person to be a head taller than me, handsome, not too fat nor skinny(with 6 pacs, that's the best), excel in sports and studies, doesn't smoke or drink.

As I start to grow up and see how things changed. I start to realise, such criteria don't matter at all when you think you've met the right person. You won't start measuring him with whatever that was set because, the first move you made, was giving him your heart. And there is no turning back.

You

2010-12-24T05:53:00.000+08:00

Time check, it's 5.20am. And I think I didn't sleep for the whole night.

I know, my friends have been saying that Im very emo. Just to let you guys know, I don't like myself behaving this way either. The Stephanie Nah whom my friends knew was never like this, perhaps, there was once, I was in the same situation Im stranded in right now. That was two years ago. I don't like the thoughts of posting unhappy stuff on my blogs and even on my facebook status. But sometimes, they're the only things which I can confide in. I hope to be away and please give me some time to sort out everything. I want this to be the last time Im ever gonna write stuffs like that. I promise that Stephanie Nah will be back in no time for a good cause. I don't want to get so affected because I can get nothing right when I can only see you.

I never knew, never knew you read those entries of mine. It seems like you knew what was going through my mind and I don't get yours at all. Perhaps, this don't matter at all now.

I've been wondering for the whole night. Whatever that happened seems surreal. Like you, I have so many things going through my head right now and I really got no ideas of how Im feeling as a human. I have so much of a mix-feelings that I've got numbed and I asked myself, when was the last time I felt truly happy. I was hoping I could cry my lungs out yesterday night but I couldn't. I didn't know how to feel anymore. This pain is too much. Excruciating much. Someone, take this pain away.

This is third time of the month that I couldn't sleep because of you.
I keep telling myself everything will be okay and that is the only thing I could say to comfort myself.

I want my friends not to question me after reading this.

myself

2010-12-23T22:14:00.002+08:00

exaggerated sense of time urgency, competitiveness, anger and hostility. People who share certain characteristics with you are often concerned with the acquisition of objects and generally dissatisfied with the world, including oneself. You don't know how and when to relax. People probably get tense around you, and they tend to feel threatened in your presence. Continuous stress and allowing unexpressed feelings to pile up are not good for your health. You should start learning how to relax, to let go, and enjoy life. Work on your communication skills. Try to take it easy and be lazy sometimes. It might be hard and it would take some effort, but you certainly know how to pick up a challenge.
(extracted from facebook quiz result)
I personally feel that it's kinda true.

In my seventeen years of life. I never hated myself. In fact, I totally loved who I am, my personality, how I was borned, with which ever characteristics. I have to admit, Im someone, who have a moderately high self-esteem and confidence. Yet, anyone knows, no one is ever perfect. And for that imperfection, I dislike myself for two things. I am such a coward in two aspects in life. One, I never dare to stand in front of the crowd crapping. In my heart, I told myself I must learn to step out of my comfort zone, however, something's pulling me back and I still cant break through. It makes me feel useless for that reason. Why others can crap their shit out and I can't? Is that so difficult? What's actually deterring me from doing so? I am very curious. Two, I can't speak up a certain truth. I am doing things too rationally that sometimes, I don't know what I actually want.

Life.

2010-12-22T22:21:00.004+08:00

So you could tell, I was angry then. What was that suppose to mean?
I still can't figure you, neither myself.

I'll prove it right

2010-12-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

Contemplating much. I've decided to blog about the camp.

Perhaps, I haven't been to any discipline camp, and I have zero ideas of how it's ever done and executed. Honestly speaking, the camp wasn't what I had expected. In my understanding of discipline camp, yes, we got be self-displined, be serious and have fun at the right time and place. Afterall, what I did mention are the basis of a camp. Everyone ought to know what to do at the right time and place. It need not be in a discipline camp that we learn all these.

To be frank, I was very pissed off in the first two days of camp. I couldn't understand why things were happening in that manner. Whatever that we did seem wrong. Was there even a need to act and be serious. Was there a need to feign. I guess not. All we need was just be ourselves. A discipline camp can still be "disciplined" with people carrying a smile on their face and not pulling a long face. If you're talking about giving someone respect, then I beseech that you give us our respect too. A leader, being one, it's definitely not as easy as ABC. What makes you think so, you've gain our respect? (Im not talking about anyone, just speaking in general) There's actually much more efforts that one has to put in, in order to let others see what's your capability. Your actions and tone are what that actually matters. Remember, we always say, action speaks louder than words. Knowing how to speak does make a very huge difference, leaving a different form of impressions to your fellow followers.

I admit that I was angry initially. But I still got to say, this camp had a good ending. We know, you guys meant well. You guys want the best for us. I won't bear any grudges and Im sure, no one else would. I really had fun. As compared to the very first camp I attended in FOC this year, I swear, this camp was way way better than FOC. And, during this camp, it's my first time singing camp songs so wholeheartedly till my throat hurts so much. I can almost remember most of the camp songs now. Thank you for the silkscreen shirt, it is simple and nice :) In my opinion, I think this camp has been a successful one because I feel everyone's more bonded than ever. For the very least, I got to understand a few more people and I get to see them in a different light now. Things have changed, and so are my feelings towards the different people that I met and interacted in the camp.

I went to check the SD letterbox today. And yes, at last, the FOC proposal has been approved. I can't wait to get started. I can't wait to see everyone coming down together, brainstorming for ideas. One of my biggest wish/resolution next year is to make FOC 2011 a success. I guess, that's the best gift that I or rather, everyone can give to our seniors. It's not just about saying it, but rather, I'll prove to you guys. I'll make you see what's in us. You will witness.

Miss me

2010-12-19T20:55:00.000+08:00

Hello peepo.

I just finish packing my camp bag for tomorrow. haha. I have no feelings for this camp. But I hope I could come back telling you guys all the fun happenings during the camp. I would like to share every moment of the camp provided it's really that memorable la. lol. Im gonna be enthusiastic for the next 3 days and not allow any other emotions flow in. Im not gonna let my mood affect others. It's a selfish act in my own eyes.

Anyway, work at pet shop was just fine. Everything just went well. However, my poor fingers are suffering again. Even when Im typing this post, I can feel the pain from the tip of my fingers. There are cracks on my skin and my hands really look like an old grandma's. oh man. I don't want!!!

My appetite still hasn't come back. Hmm. I wonder if that's a good thing at all. Life's boring when you don't eat. But its a good thing because I can slim down. LOL. I know liming will say that Im a bamboo stick. hMPH. whatsoever. He's not the first to say that anyway. haha. I want to lose one more kg. geees. It's never enough, you see. The most important thing is, I can never allow myself to exceed the weight of 60.

I still have not touch my surrealism texts for the whole day. ohdamn. I shall be a good girl and read them afterwards. Promise promise. :)

Okay, Im going off. Will be back on wednesday. HOHOHOHO.

STOP

2010-12-18T21:20:00.000+08:00

Will this ever be the last? Im not so sure, but I think I needed to blog.

I want to go back to the days when I was only a baby. Love was just between my parents and myself. That was already enough, more than enough of love to go around. I think I need nothing else.

I won't be sad. I try not to.

Many things are running through my head right now. I've been spamming facebook status like as though they're free, well, yes they are. When people are feeling so down, they have either response. One, they have no spirits, they've got no soul, they've got no energy. They wish, life could just end. Two, they're dying to start their engine, they're dying to become a workaholic, they're dying to be a superman/superwoman. I said, I want tons of works to do to prevent unnecessary thoughts going through my head. I know, I fall in the second category. I just wish I could bury myself in the pile of work.

I don't wish for any answers anymore. I am very tired at this current stage and Im giving up. This whole thing is driving me nuts, it's tearing me apart and I can't wait to unleash myself. I have already lost count of how many times I have reminded myself not to sink in deeper. I could no longer recall. It's futile anyway. It's of no use. My heart always overwrites my head and I could do nothing to stop.

I can't promise anything.
I can't promise I'll be alright.
I can't promise that I won't be sad.
I can't promise that I will stop thinking.

I can't even imagine what will be going through my mind. I really hate myself for blogging such stuffs. YOU SHOULD STOP THIS.

Lose who you are to save what you love

2010-12-17T22:27:00.001+08:00

Caught this movie with Quennie, Aaron and Jx. Hmm. I'll rate it 3.5 stars. 2 hours of movie. At the start, it was boring, I gotta admit, the climax was all at the end. Im glad, the ending was what I wanted. hehehe. And for that, I am very happy. How I wish, my husband (in future) could have such trust in me. It's unbelievable, yet touching at the same time. If only everyone could be trusted and be trustworthy. This world will have less conflicts and less problems rising.

Did another round of site analysis today. I bet it's futile. haha. But at least, we did what the lecturers want and will do more researching of the site through internet resources. Don't you agree it's more efficient?

Tomorrow is weekend and Im going to work. I told myself that Im gonna earn as much as I can this month to cover up all other expenses. Hmmm. I bet the coming term will be another money spending period as new project comes in. I have this hunch that I'll be visiting art friend very soon. haha. Notice, first week of holidays is almost gone and I am super sad, for I have done nothing productive at all!!!! Im left with 2 weeks. I am so screwed, seriously.

I still owe all my friends their birthday presents and soon my sister's. Damn. I am so lazy to come up with the design. ARRHHHH C'mon, you need the inspiration and drive!!! 2 more weeks and it's a brand new year already!!!! I can't wait anymore :(

Sam Tsui/Kelly Clarkson

2010-12-16T21:57:00.001+08:00

What is surrealism

2010-12-16T19:30:00.000+08:00

What a damn thing. Does anyone of you know what is SURREALISM?
I can't understand a shit out of anything by reading the book I've borrowed from the library.
Screw this whoever, Andre Breton. Why someone like him has to write such chimology stuff that no one hardly grasp. Now, Im having such a hard time trying to understand everything he wrote in that book in order to start my HTI powerpoint presentation. It's seriously a hard nut to crack for I've been pulling my hair over this damn thing. AHHH!!!

The next hard nut to crack is buddhism. I have to read up more and add on the the first review. I officially announce that I hate HTI (HISTORY THEORY OF IDEAS) Why are we learning all these? Stop relating them with gods or whoever, for I don't give it a damn. In life, you just have to believe in one thing and that is YOURSELF. Nothing else matters. Just you, yourself, me, myself. no one else. Understand?

Oh man. Okay, I shall be back to my "surrealism". Tomorrow will be site analysis with clique and I hope I'll be super uber productive!!!!! I needed to.

Certain things

2010-12-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

I realise, I never like playing with children's games when I was young. I only did when Im at the age of 17. haha. This is very weird.

I enjoy blowing bubbles
I love cute and huge teddy bears/ any soft toys
I like sitting on swings (well, I like that too when I was young, even until now, I can't forget the feeling of sitting on them, swinging freely)
I love cartoon shows

Afterall, it's all good to reminisce those childhood days.
Something that didn't change. I still don't like the colour pink and hello kitty. HAHA.
I just want to be this young again.

How are you doing?

2010-12-14T21:44:00.000+08:00

Any escape route?

My pair of eyes

2010-12-11T19:13:00.000+08:00

Im so petrified.

I see many of my friends having problems with their eyes due to contact lenses. Like Quennie, Amanda (senior) Oh man. Now I feel so paranoid, and Im really gonna cut down the hours and frequencies of me wearing contact lenses. Honestly speaking, contact lenses does make my eyes look slightly bigger and they're much more convenient. Yet, one just can't imagine how much damage it causes. AHhhhhh. I am so scared now.

I want to wear my spectacles already. I'll rather want my pair of eyes than to just look pretty in contact lenses. Eyes are more beautiful. And that makes us see this beautiful world.

Okay, from today onwards, I swear I will take very good care of them. :) And everyone should.

Point forms to sum up

2010-12-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

Im rather lazy to blog tonight, so maybe I shall use point form to sum up my entire day.

did housework the moment I woke up
folded jeans
iron clothes
mop floor
had brunch at home
went off to school for IDC submission, things went well
went to moberly to watch Aaron and JX play pool
stroll around in school aimlessly, not knowing where to head towards as we have 3 hours plus of free time before dinner time
took train to Jurong point, bought finger food from Old Chang Kee, bubble tea from sweet talk and we sat at Kopitiam
waited for time to fly, but it went so slowly like an ant crawling
meanwhile, we were waiting for wenzong to come over
all of us came up with a final decision of coming to my house instead
everyone came over, we chat, crap, joke and laugh like mad
left my place at 5:15pm
we took taxi down to sakura at clementi
we saw food and went crazy
but I was very sad, because the dinner cost 28.85bucks, taxi fare was 5bucks. My money flew
I had a handful amount of sashimi. haha.
bloated.
I swear, plain porridge will taste better than those food at sakura
it makes me appreciate the simplest food on earth. We don't need abalones, sharkfins to fill our stomach. Staple food like rice or porridge are satisfying
Aaron has gotten the big appetite award. haha. HE CAN EAT LIKE CRAZY
One thing, I really pity his laptop. He nearly dropped once on the escalator, and dropped twice today. OUCH.
left sakura at 9pm
took bus 30 to jurong point interchange
bus 243G back home
I miss home
I want to sleep

I still can't make up my mind right now. Should I go for training tomorrow or head straight home after meeting. sigh. Why is there a meeting tomorrow. aaaarhhhh. My work day is ruined.

Although holidays are here, I think there isn't this atmosphere at all. Perhaps, I've reached the stage where I get so sick of things in life and maybe it's time that I need to do some self reflections of what I've done over the past few months or rather, this year.

Currently, I have a couple of worries. Firstly, it's school work. Secondly is foc camp. Thirdly is campinval. And lastly, D&D, however that isnt so stressful as there isnt much that Im required to do. I told myself, I only accept the best of the best work from myself. I can only be good, better and even better.

Sometimes when I look out of the window, I have the urge to slap myself. What is wrong with me? Please focus.

OVER

2010-12-09T14:11:00.002+08:00

[edited/6:18pm]

Today is a good day because critique is over. There are good and bad comments and all I can say is, Im only motivated to do better in the next round. :D Lecturers weren't as mean as we thought they would be, that's definitely a good thing.

I just finish writing down my to-do-list for this coming holidays and I already have ten on the list. haha. And Im still counting on. I bet there's more coming. At least for this entire weekend, Im gonna get a good rest and be charged up for the following weeks. Im looking forward to quite a number of things in the next few weeks. In the first week, we're going to malacca. Second week is FOTW camp. Third week is chalet with my secondary classmates! OHYES! How awesome can this be!!! :D

Tomorrow, a group of us are going for sakura buffet. FOOD FOOD FOOD. hahaha. I want my salmon!!! My sashimi, my favourite thing of all. Tomorrow also marks the day when my pockets gonna get burnt. LOL. There's also IDC submission, it keep on slipping off my mind as I think Im already in holiday mood.

Alright, I think I'll better be off. I want dinner :)
________________________________________________________________

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA
YAY!!!

CRITIQUE OVER!
I am just feeling too happy to say anything. haha.

I want critique to be over.

2010-12-08T17:48:00.005+08:00

[edited/9:40pm]

The wait is killing me. I am already dying right here before my laptop and script.
screw all this man.
Why does it seems like im the only one who has this over paranoid syndrome.
No one is panicking like I do. But I am already panicking since 1 week ago
Ohman. Kill me wont you?
What if I screw everything up tomorrow.
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
_______________________________________________________________________

I won't be in my best mood if critique is not over.
Don't even bother about me unless you're seeking for death.

I only want tomorrow to come and end quickly.
Crit, you sucked!

Goodbye.